Thanksgiving

who's a dog?

"Seriously? you know I'm a dog."

What do you mean, "what am I doing?"

"I'm trying to stretch, get pet or just fucking lay here. Why is everyone always asking me this damn question? For supposedly being so smart humans are pretty stupid. Now leave me alone so I can sneak into the kitchen and try to get food off the counter." - Murphy.

The dogs on the other side of the fence.

That's really about it. There are these two pit bulls on the other side of the fence and murphy want to get at them all the time. He's all like, "Come at me, dogs" and they're all like "high pitched bark" and Murphy's all like, "BAROOOOOO, motherfuckers." Then Murphy want to dig under the fence. The other dogs stick their nose under the fence, and Murphy's like, "Oh, I should nip at that or paw at it." Then Murphy comes inside and picks up his squirrel and lays on his bed. Murphy has no respect for fences and what they hold.

Vegans

I was talking to Murphy about bacon and breakdowns. We both really like these things. I started to explain Earth Crisis and the SxE moshcore movements in the Hardcore scene. I didn't really get any further than explaining what Vegan was. A lot of Hardcore are Straightedge and Vegan for those who don't know. Anyway, Murphy was like "What the crap? Choose not to eat meat? Not Even Honey? What the hell is wrong with these people?" Then he told that if I ever became vegan he would bite off my face and eat my liver. I believe him too. He is one serious hound.

Misfits Awareness Month

Murphy actually understands this quite well. He doesn't understand is why you don't understand Misfits Awareness Month. Stop disappointing this fucking hound dog with your non-misfits knowing bullshit. it's making him sad.

They wrote a song about Murphy in 1983. That's like 23 years before he was born. Danzig fucking knew he was coming, and wrote this song called hellhound. This was before Danzig became a cat litter buying brick thrower.

Got a hellhound dog
That hellhound's gonna rip your face off
Got a hellhound dog
That hellhound's gonna tear right through
Got a hellhound born
A hellhound born to the pack
Got a hellhound dog
And I know that I might be dead
Those who seek it out
Those who stand a few
Hell, hell of Satan's pack
We are born of hate
Both feet into Hell
Take another step
Towards the bleeding light
Those who seek it out
Those who stand a few
We are a part of it
Got a hellhound dog
That hellhound's gonna rip your face off
Got a hellhound dog
That hellhound's gonna tear right through
Got a hellhound born
A hellhound born to the pack
Got a hellhound dog
That hellhound's gonna rip your face off
Got a hellhound dog
That hellhound's gonna rip your face off
Got a hellhound dog
Got a hellhound born

Stretching

Murphy actually understands this pretty well. However, I don't understand how one animal can stretch so many times in such a short span of time. This morning it was six stretches between upstairs and his food. 3 times in the bedroom, 1 at the top of the stairs, 1 at the bottom of the stairs and 1 in the kitchen. Usually there are a few more thrown in there.

Murphy loves stretching. loves it.

Tie ups.

Murphy is a sneaky son of a bitch that unfortunately will never get to feel real freedom to run wherever he wants. This is because when he catches the sent of some bitch assed cat/squirrel/hot chick/cow/raccoon... he takes off and doesn't give a hell ass crap who is calling him and what you could be offering. A treat? He is chasing the best treat! A walk? He's free bitch. An entire tray of bacon? Bacon? oh yeah, he's about to get something better than bacon. It is because of the scent drivenness that he stays on a leash or a tie up when he is not fenced in. They say this is typical in beagles and hounds, but I think Murphy has a complete disregard for authority because he a bad ass that can't be held down by rules. Anyway, Murphy does not understand tie ups.

Tie him up and within minutes he has tangled his cord or has wrapped it around something or someone and only has 1 foot of slack. He is a good dog and will just sit there and look sad until someone fixes it. Sometimes he starts walking and moving like he trying to get untangles, like he actually know what's going, but no. It just gets worse.

Murphy may not understand the tie up, but he doesn't really care about it. He is an awesome hound who ultimately wants to hang out and get his belly rubbed by everyone. He might also want to sneak over to the food and try to eat it, but that is because everything is delicious. Murphy still gives zero fucks.

Paint.

"I'm color blind you ass hat. However, I would like to step in your trays, sit on your tarps and rub on your freshly painted walls. What do you mean no? Fuck this. I'm going to take a nap. chumps." - Murphy

Printers

Murphy does not understand printers. His feelings on the matter are strong, and they border on straight up hate. He really gets worked up over goddamned printers.

He's like this, "How the fuck can we make a phone order pizza, but the human race in all of it's wisdom can't make a good printer. Is all printer technology from 1988? I don't even know what fucking 1988 is? I was born 5 years ago, and it's 2011! Printers are garbage. Where is my goose? I want rip some stuffing out of something. Goddamned stupid fucking pieces of wasting everyone's time. And where is my pizza?"

He does love a dot matrix printer though. Weird ass dog.

Why everyone doesn't love Judas Priest.

Murphy fucking loves Judas Priest. He's always trying to rock out to British Steel or Screaming for Vengeance. I was trying to explain to him that there are people out there that don't love Judas Priest, and possibly people that have never even heard Judas Priest. He insists that "the combination of bad assed riffery and firey vocals make them one of best bands to ever grace this fine planet." I told that may be true, but it doesn't mean everyone loves them. He then told me that I had another thing coming and took a crap in the backyard.

Don't talk smack about Judas Priest or Murphy will bite you in the nards and pee in your hat.

How much do you love Judas Priest?

Rain....unless he is going on a walk and then rain is fine.

So it's pouring, and Murphy has to pee. Open the backdoor and he takes one step out, stops and comes back in. He's like, "yo, you expect me to go out and pee in that wet ass shit? Don't play, bro. Don't play." We argue, and eventually he goes outside and pees and runs back in. This is all fine. I understand not wanting to get wet, but this only happens in the back yard. When it rains and I take him on a walk. Zero fucks are given. He's all like, "Let's do this! where are those bitch ass squirrels? how many trees can I pee on? All Of them?! Challenge accepted."

his own farts

there are a lot of things my dog doesn't understand, but when he farts he seriously has no idea what the hell is going on. seriously.

hangers

Wire or wooden, Murphy doesn't give a hair off his non existent nards about hangers. What's he going to do? hang up his dress shirts? hell no.

These are Murphy's.

Cameras.

Get that noise making thing out of my face.